Life as a 4th Waver vs a 3rd Waver

So I was at The Know bar the other night.  A really awesome friend invited me down to listen to her perform. Her name is Mikkayla Emaline McalisterClick here to see her soundcloud page.

At around 10:30pm I decided to come back home. Now I don’t like taking the bus, so I thought I’d just walk home. It’s only about 3 miles back to my place. I started off going in the wrong direction, so it actually turned out to be 3 and a half.  Feet were a little sore after that, but otherwise I was fine.

It dawned on me along the way just how liberating it is to be a 4th Wave feminist.  I can be concerned with legitimate women’s issues, AND have a healthy and positive view of the world. Can you imagine a 3rd Waver trying to walk home like this? *Every* *single* *little* *shadow* would scare them. Every guy they see that late at night is a potential rape threat. Behind every dark corner is a sexual assault. Every leaf the wind blows rustles on the ground with patriarchy!

I even decided to come back on an unfamiliar road, just for the hell of it (and because I’m not scared of everything that moves), but the road unexpectedly started splitting off in some confusing directions. Thankfully there was a dude with his shopping cart nearby… I went over and asked him for directions. Again, I can just imagine a 3rd Waver being absolutely terror-struck because OH NOES IT’S A MAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!

Sure. A guy with a shopping cart, at 11pm, just totally out of the blue – and for no other reason than he’s male – is going to pounce on me like something off the Discovery Channel.  Because he doesn’t know it’s wrong.  Teach men not to rape.

Double Dragon
Holy whoa – look at those dudes going at it!!

I told this to a very good friend of mine who’s also trans, and they mentioned something about how dangerous it was, how I might get beat up, or how many knife fights I might walk into walking home at night like that.  In some ways I guess being a 3rd Waver is like living in the world of Double Dragon.  I walk home and beat up dozens of shadow warriors.  After I knock down the last one and he blinks away, a thumbs up flashes, telling me I can continue.

In all fairness, there is an undeniable culture at large that conveys to women that they are always in danger, and that men are always a threat.  A number of extremely dishonest studies are produced and cited by 3rd Wavers that deliberately inflate claims of violence to make more women look like an endangered species.  Here’s one from the National Institute of Justice, which reports a whopping 25% of all women surveyed said they were raped or assaulted!  Impossibruuuu!!!  Of course, if you read the actual study, you’ll find that rape is defined (on page 16 of PDF reader) as “an event that occurs without the victim’s consent and involves the use of threat or force to penetrate the victim’s vagina or anus by penis, tongue, fingers, or object or the victim’s mouth by penis“.

This means if you feel you’ve been threatened, then you’re a statistic.  And inflated statistics like this create a culture of fear where you feel threatened all the time.  And since everyone feels threatened, that creates an even higher statistic.  Higher statistics give you an inflated sense of fear, creating a culture of fear where you feel threatened all the time.  This in turn, creates a higher statistic.  And “physical assault” is also defined in a way so that “feeling threatened” counts.

One of the actual questions used in this study for rape:

>> Has anyone, male or female, ever made you have oral sex by using force or threat of force? Just so there is no mistake, by oral sex we mean that a man or boy put his penis in your mouth or someone, male or female, penetrated your vagina or anus with their mouth.

 ^^^ Notice how “consent” is completely left out of the questioning.  Using force or threat of force is not rape.  A person might *want* to be forced (like me).  BDSM does this a lot, and sometimes sex gets a little rough, even if you’re not into that specific lifestyle.  The lack of consent is what makes it rape, so of course that’s naturally left out of the survey.

The questions for stalking are equally dubious.  Has anyone ever made an unsolicited phone call to you?  Showed up at places where you thought they didn’t belong?  For sure these could be legit stalking, but they also might not be.

The physical assault questions don’t ask whether or not the respondent initiated the act and started the fight, it only asks if they were assaulted.  I mean if you slapped first, does it make sense that you get slapped back?  Another example, imagine your woman grabs your phone, and tries to walk out the door with it.  You grab her and try to get the phone back – bam, she’s now a “physical assault” statistic.  I speak from experience on this one.  That very thing happened to me before I transitioned.  The woman I was staying with even used that incident to file a restraining order against me, which I challenged and then had dismissed.  (We’ve since made up and forgiven each other, but this kind of incident would be counted in the survey.)  Another thing that stands out is that this question is in the same category as “used a gun on you”.

Double Dragon II
3rd Wavers honestly believe this will happen anytime they walk outside after dark.

But you add all those up, and you get a huge, conflated number, making it look like everywhere you go, someone’s going to JUMP OUT OF THE BUSHES AND START BEATING YOU!!!

Then there is of course the wonderful “1 in 5” statistic.  You know the one; 1 in 5 college women will be RAPED!  You can find the actual study itself by clicking here.  Just click the download button, and it should pop up in MS Word right in front of you.  On page 4 of 5, you should see:

>> When you were drunk, high, drugged, or passed out and unable to consent, how many people have ever …

That’s right ladies.  If you were DRUNK, or HIGH, and had sex, then you were raped.

I’ve never in my life drank alcohol.  I have no idea what beer tastes like.  The strongest drug I’ve ever done was NyQuil (hey, I was coughing and needed to sleep!)  But I had a girlfriend once who actually enjoyed doing drugs fairly often.  She was still my girlfriend because I don’t judge people on their lifestyles, as long as they’re responsible and not hurting anyone else.  And of course she was really beautiful and interesting.  But anyway, she would take some E – or at least I think that’s what it’s called (I’m not at all knowledgeable on that subject) and then want to lay in bed with me.  From what I understand, drunk / high sex can be fun.  Which would explain why it’s popular among college kids, especially on Spring Break and other events.

So who could possibly be surprised that drunk college girls are having sex?  What surprises me is that it’s only 1 in 5!!  I’d think that number should definitely be higher.

What this kind of nonsense creates is an entire generation of women who genuinely think the world is a horrible, mean place, where every man is just waiting for the opportunity to cause them harm.

I was on my way back from Portland Rescue Mission tonight.  I *just* missed the bus, so I figured I’d walk over Burnside Bridge and catch it on the other side.  This meant walking back passed PRM, where a huge long line of folks are standing each night, waiting to go in and get a meal.

I walk passed all of them – one of them in particular looked right at me, so I looked back at him and smiled, then kept walking.  About half way up the bridge, I noticed this fella was following me.  Any 3rd Waver at this point would probably be thinking “Oh god oh god!  He’s gonna rape me!  HE’S GONNA RAPE ME!!” – yea… on a well lit bridge, down town, right next to a help center, with crowded traffic in traveling in either direction.  Anyway I took my headphones off, then turned to the guy and said hello.

He wanted to introduce himself.  So I did the same.  He said he just wanted to tell me that I’m really beautiful, that he sees me volunteering at the Mission each day, and just wanted to say hi.

How wonderfully sweet!  I thanked him, and then he turned around and went back to the food line.  I actually hope I see him again tomorrow.  That guy was so nice.

I’ve been told that I don’t “really understand” because I’m not really a woman (attacking my gender in lieu of actually having an argument).  But the fact is, this happens to me fairly often.  I’ll be somewhere, and a guy will come over and hit on me, and possibly ask for my number.  If you lack the social and interpersonal skills to know what to say, or how to handle that situation gracefully, then of course anxiety and panic will make you feel uncomfortable – but that’s not the guy’s fault.  He’s not doing anything wrong simply by expressing his interest in you; its your anxiety that needs to be addressed, not him.

As I mentioned at the end of my book, the ultimate result of accepting the 3rd Wave view is the complete inability to find any sense of community. You can’t build relationships with other people in the place where you live, because if a man talks to you on a bus, you believe it’s only because he’s thinking about you in some sexual way. If a man looks at you in the park, he must be staring at you with some sinister intention. If a man pulls out a chair for you, he’s insulting you and thinks you’re a child. It can’t be that white heterosexual cis-men are just being nice, because even if they are just being nice, it means they’re being a “nice-guy” and expecting sex. That’s what all men want, and it’s the only reason they’re nice, because they think about it every 7 seconds. They can’t just be normal people like everyone else.

Everyone should have the opportunity to build a sense of community, without having it robbed from them by a false narrative.

3rd Wave Feminism hurts both men and women. Healthy, well-adjusted people that would otherwise have amicable and fulfilling lives with others in their community, are instead cold and fearful with isolation.  People become afraid to talk to one another, or have any interaction at all. People end up feeling alone in a crowd, or worse, developing a delusional mindset where half of the crowd is just waiting for the right moment to pounce.

Even the simple act of asking someone to smile has become smeared with the accusatory label of “privilege”. I still remember walking by a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk. His skin was badly blemished from weather exposure and a lack of nutrition, and his clothes were torn and stained. But as I walked by, he looked up at me, and gave me a sincere grin. He said “smile!” So I smiled at him, and he smiled back, and then I was on my way. I thought about how poor that guy must have been, and how he just wanted to have a brief interaction with another person. I sleep in my own house, where I’m warm and safe each night, while he’s sleeping in the snow and rain. But I’m oppressed, while he’s the privileged one. His skin is white, he’s probably a cursed heterosexual, and on top of that, he told me to smile.

Building a sense of community isn’t just a matter of finding a group of friends that think and feel the way you do, and providing an echo-chamber for your thoughts and ideas. It’s more than that. It’s feeling safe when you walk out the door in the morning. It’s being able to say hello to the people you pass on your way to the bus (and not having a panic attack when they mention how nice you look). It’s being able to sit down to lunch in a cafeteria without needing your back to the wall “just in case”. It’s a sense that you don’t have to constantly keep your guard up, and the absence of any worrying suspicion that the people around you might hurt you the moment they get a chance.  An absolute perfect example of this can be seen here.
3rd Wave Feminism does not hold up to scrutiny on any level, does not promote any beneficial social cause, and following its tenets and beliefs only serve to deny a person a sense of community. It’s inherently harmful, and wrongly places in a person the feeling of general suspicion and scorn of others based on their gender.
It’s always been my hope is that starting the 4th Wave will begin reversing the effects of this narrative, and replace it with reason and rational thinking. There are real issues that really do affect women, and those issues can and should be addressed. Moreover, women in other countries need our help. If we can build something here, then perhaps one day we will be able to help them as well.
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